Gratitude Journal

Last year I started to keep a sort of gratitude journal. It came after a counselor advised me to begin a journal to keep track of panic attacks/ episodes of severe depression to try to find the origin of those issues, but that just sounded so depressing (which was the point, I guess). So I half took his advice and began a gratitude journal instead. A few nights ago I found it in the rubble of my room and decided to share a few pages from it:

I fell in love with the sentiments I shared in that journal, and decided to start another one for this new chapter in my life. I'm not ready to share the inside yet, but here is the outside of it:

"Let the beauty we love be what we do." -Rumi

I love it. The journal itself was $1.50 at Michael's, the gold letter stickers were about $5. I also grabbed a Smash Stick to make documenting easier (pen on one side, glue stick on the other).

I have filled a few pages so far using instagram picture and a few scrapbooking papers, again from Michael's. It's just so fun. *Note: I print my instagram pictures using this tutorial.

Scrapbooking/journaling inspiration: Dear Lizzy / A Beautiful Mess

coping

Billy and I have been working on a little diet. It is many just eating healthy and watching portion sizes (and cutting out the ever lovely milkshakes, at least during the week. I need to learn control somehow). I have been learning things about myself through this all that I never knew before. I can see a little more clearly how I deal with stress and unpleasant things in life.

One night after a long meeting, we ended on a note that was a little upsetting. I slunk into the house, put my pj's on and searched the house for something unhealthy to munch on. I didn't crave it. I didn't even care if it was very yummy. I just wanted to sit and watch something on Netflix and eat.

Not very smart. But I did it anyway and you know, I didn't feel any better.

Then, a few days later, after a long day with Millie (whom I love dearly but is very exhausting) I had a choice: do the same, unsatisfying thing by eating a spoonful of Nutella and watching yet another meaningless TV show OR go running with my friend.

So running I went.

And happy I became. I was tired but the endorphin's kicked in and, along with enjoying the night air and good conversation, I came home happy and tired yet relaxed.

So it got me thinking, what is it that really helps me deal with stress or anxiety or frustration? Not the binge eating and the TV addiction. No, for me it is running, stepping out in the garden and weeding or watering or simply admiring the beauties of nature. I enjoy talking to people who are supportive and interesting and who listen. Sure I like a good veg session with my favorite TV shows and I LOVE good food. But those don't really help me cope.

It only took me 26 years to figure out but that's better than never, right?

How do you cope with the demands of life?

"Olive Us" and Positive Familial Interactions

Meet the Blair children of the new short film series "Olive Us."

According to the FAQ's, Olive Us "will encourage your family to get up and do or make or move... We aim to show healthy, happy relationships between siblings. We sometimes feel worn down by the super-sarcastic dialogue we hear on shows aimed at kids — especially between brothers and sisters. We want to share a more positive take." I love this, and I am excited to see what they come up with. You can view the first episode here.

"How I Stay in Shape" by Marilyn Monroe

Loved this. Sometimes we forget the basics, but that's really all you need 

to keep yourself healthy and happy, as Marilyn reminds us. Read the article here. 

(Found on Sarah Wilson's blog, a worthy read in itself).

on conquering bad habits

A little while ago I wrote about my bad habit and dare I say addiction to watching TV. It was out of control and honestly, taking over important parts of my life. I needed to change but was unsure where to start. Over the last few months, little articles and things have been making their way into my life, leaving marks and giving me ideas and courage to live my life with intention and purpose. It has been hard but the benefits have been very obvious. I wanted to share some ideas of things that have helped me.

+I watched this talk about how tv affects our brains and the development of children's brains. Millie wasn't watching a lot of TV by herself or anything but I always had something on in the background. This really made me think about what it could be doing to her development and how I have the power to spend more quality time with her.

+I read this and this about turning off all the noise and distractions and finding time for the things we love. This was difficult. Being a stay at home mom with a child who can't really talk to me gets a little lonely. I constantly had the radio/Pandora on or something on Netflix playing in the background just to make me feel a little less isolated. When I tried to turn off the noise for at least a few hours during the day my head started to clear up and I found that Millie was talking to me. I can't understand a word of her baby jibberish but that jibberish has meaning to her. So now, without all the distractions of TV, music, phones, we have our own little conversations.

Those things really laid the ground work for me. Then it was time to take action.

+I decided that I would not turn on the computer until Millie went down for her first nap, usually around noon. That can be a long time to entertain a child so I put more of an effort in going to our neighborhood work out (I have lost weight because of it too, another plus) or to take Millie on a walk. She is very observant so the walks are fun for her and me, along with the sunshine and fresh air that we are both in need of.

+When I was little and I would be scared of something or have bad thoughts, my mom taught me to push those bad thoughts out by replacing it with something happy. So... instead of just not watching anything and being drowned by the quite while I was doing the dishes or cleaning, I turned music on. Now, I know that I said before that I tried to turn all the distractions off. What I meant was that instead of always having some sort of noise in the house, to let there be some time of just our noise (talking, laughing, singing, reading). But during those times when I am most tired and worn out, I tried to fill it with something fun, like good music to dance to or that uplifts. (My favorite radio stations on Pandora are Rachel Portman Radio, Disney Radio, St. Vincent Radio, Ingrid Michaelson Radio, and Beirut Radio.) This made it so that I didn't have to feel so lonely and tired at the hardest time of day (the hour before Billy gets home and I am working on dinner and Millie just wants me to hold her and I just really want to sit on the couch and eat ice cream).

+With the same idea, I tried to not just veg out in front of the TV. I tried to make sure that, at least a couple of nights a week I veg out with a good book. Much more pleasant.

+Interesting enough, when I started to be more aware of what I was doing throughout the day, it has made the night time easier. I have not stayed up for hours by myself watching silly TV shows like I was. I feel more satisfied throughout the day, having spent quality time making Millie laugh and playing in the dirt with her, and more time talking and just being with Billy. I have not been overwhelmed with the need to veg out for hours upon hours while the world peacefully slept.. (Maybe a couple hours but not until 2am like it was before.)

I don't want you to think that I think I have it all figured out and that you should do exactly what I do. Different things work for different people. Millie still watches Dora when I just can't take the whining anymore and I have to get something done. I stayed up until midnight last night watching Pollyanna (I love that movie). But the point in all of this is that I believe we can change. It has hard and takes  time (sometimes our whole lives) but we can take those bad habits and turn them into good ones. Now I am a much happier mother, a more attentive wife, and more satisified in this great life that I have been given.

What things work for you?

habits

I suffer from bad habits.

You know like eating ‘til I am so full I am going to be sick… then eating some more. Or not hanging my clothes up at the end of the day. (I know it is so easy and yet they still land on the floor.) Then there are things like fidgeting when I am nervous or procrastinating. I know these things make me miserable and yet I find myself reverting back to those habits day after day.

One habit in particular has really been casting a shadow over my life.

At eight in the evening, after we have tucked Millie into her bed and she is fast asleep, Billy and I usually relax and watch something on Netflicks. Modern Family, Psych. Something funny. We just kind of veg. It is nice. Eventually Billy falls asleep and there I am, left completely alone. No one to worry about (although I check on Millie multiple times) but me. I continue watching. And watching. Time ticks away, my eye lids begin to droup. But there I sit, forcing my eyes to keep watching. The world falls asleep and I am stuck in a trance watching old TV shows that mock people like me. I tell myself “Just one more episode” every time. EVERY.TIME. Finally when I can stand it no longer, I sneak into the bedroom and slide quietly next to Billy. I pray he won’t wake up because I don’t want to tell him how late it is and how I wasted perfectly good sleeping time to watch people who aren’t even real.

If you want a general statement of this bad habit I would have to say it is a lack of self control. I know that what I am doing makes me miserable, makes me a tired, neglectful mother and wife, and does nothing to fulfill me but I do it anyway. When I ask myself why I do it I lean towards explanations like “It is the only time I have to be alone, without the prospect of the child waking up or someone knocking at my door. It is all me.”

But does that really justify it? Does it justify how tired I am the next day, how unmotivated it makes me in my life, how it takes away from going to bed with Billy, which I love?

No. Indeed it does not.

So how do I change it? How do I take control of my life and say “GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR YOU FOOL?”

I feel like for our next book club I need to choose a good motivating book. Then I can talk it over with some others and maybe I will actually start making some changes.

And getting more sleep.

What do you do to get rid of those habits that eat at your soul?

Do you have any favorite books that help?