I suffer from bad habits.
You know like eating ‘til I am so full I am going to be sick… then eating some more. Or not hanging my clothes up at the end of the day. (I know it is so easy and yet they still land on the floor.) Then there are things like fidgeting when I am nervous or procrastinating. I know these things make me miserable and yet I find myself reverting back to those habits day after day.
One habit in particular has really been casting a shadow over my life.
At eight in the evening, after we have tucked Millie into her bed and she is fast asleep, Billy and I usually relax and watch something on Netflicks. Modern Family, Psych. Something funny. We just kind of veg. It is nice. Eventually Billy falls asleep and there I am, left completely alone. No one to worry about (although I check on Millie multiple times) but me. I continue watching. And watching. Time ticks away, my eye lids begin to droup. But there I sit, forcing my eyes to keep watching. The world falls asleep and I am stuck in a trance watching old TV shows that mock people like me. I tell myself “Just one more episode” every time. EVERY.TIME. Finally when I can stand it no longer, I sneak into the bedroom and slide quietly next to Billy. I pray he won’t wake up because I don’t want to tell him how late it is and how I wasted perfectly good sleeping time to watch people who aren’t even real.
If you want a general statement of this bad habit I would have to say it is a lack of self control. I know that what I am doing makes me miserable, makes me a tired, neglectful mother and wife, and does nothing to fulfill me but I do it anyway. When I ask myself why I do it I lean towards explanations like “It is the only time I have to be alone, without the prospect of the child waking up or someone knocking at my door. It is all me.”
But does that really justify it? Does it justify how tired I am the next day, how unmotivated it makes me in my life, how it takes away from going to bed with Billy, which I love?
No. Indeed it does not.
So how do I change it? How do I take control of my life and say “GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR YOU FOOL?”
I feel like for our next book club I need to choose a good motivating book. Then I can talk it over with some others and maybe I will actually start making some changes.
And getting more sleep.
What do you do to get rid of those habits that eat at your soul?
Do you have any favorite books that help?