New Project / Free Download: "Everything" + Lullabies

In 2012, upon hearing that my friend's sister and her husband suffered a miscarriage, words began pouring into my mind and within an hour, "Everything" was written. A year later, they asked if they could share the song with other families who have lost a child. I re-recorded "Everything" along with two other lullabies I had previously arranged, and am now releasing that as a free download. Please feel free to share it, as that is it's purpose-- to hopefully bring comfort to families who are grieving.

I, Allison Barnes, arranged and recorded "All the Pretty Little Horses" and "Hush Little Baby." I also wrote an additional ending to "Hush Little Baby."

"Everything" was written and sung by me, Allison Barnes, with guitar by David Rose.

Download the album here.

Grace

I don't believe in black and white. I believe that we all have had something in our past, or will have something in our past, that defines who we will become, the path we choose to go down, and even defines how people will see us.


If the world were black and white, the labels that I would be stuck with would shatter me. I wouldn't be able to progress. I wouldn't be able to become. I am grateful for my past, for my hardships, for any ounce of pain I have experienced, because it makes me who I am today.


I don't know much about the "People of the Second Chance" campaign, but the concept is inspiring.

From their website: "We are a global community of activists, imperfectionists and second chancers committed to unleashing radical grace everyday, in every moment, for everyone. We challenge the common misconceptions about failure and success and stand with those who have hit rock bottom in their personal and professional lives. We are a community that is committed to stretch ourselves in the areas of relational forgiveness, personal transparency and advocate for mercy over judgment."

I believe in all of those things. Wholeheartedly. And if nothing else, this campaign has caused me to reflect a bit more on my own labels, the ones I put on myself, and perhaps on others. It has strengthened my resolve to love others unconditionally, and to allow the concept of grace into mine and others' lives.


How have your trials shaped your life? Feel free to comment here, or shoot us an e-mail (allisonabarnes [at] gmail [dot] com). We'd love to hear from you.

sails

She stood in the storm

and when the wind

did not blow her way,

she adjusted her sails.

~Elizabeth Edwards




(Happy International Women's Day! We love you all and are grateful for the inspiration of the strong, loving women around us!)

new things

(Photo taken in Munich, Germany fall of 2007)

I was never much of a believer when it came to yoga. I liked the idea of it. It seemed people who really did it loved it but I just couldn't seem to love it. I thought it was boring and silly... holding my hands in the air and trying to breath slowly. It could have been because I took the class that was at 8:30am during my last semester or that we did the same positions every time. But I just didn't feel like it made any difference.

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My pregnancy with Millie is not what you would call a good experience. I was throwing up 5-10 times a day for the first five months and was still sick for the rest. I had kidney stones and had to do an at home IV for three weeks. Even when things started to settle down my body just didn't like being pregnant. It resented me for the 20 pounds it lost when I was sick and then jumping into weight gain so quickly. It struggled with the ups and the downs.

Not only was it very hard on me physically, it took a big toll on me mentally and spiritually. How could I be a mother when I could hardly survive the pregnancy? Others made me feel as though I was being weak and needed to just be happy that I was having a baby. I was happy and grateful. But I was also tired and so sick. I wanted this to be a spiritual experience. I wanted to not be so bitter and hurt and sick. And oh how guilty I felt for those feelings that I had.

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I want to have another baby.


I love Millie more than I could have imagined. Even with all the struggles and how long it took me to "feel like myself" again, I would do it again for her. And hope to but for another little soul.


But I am scared. If I have to struggle just like last time than so be it but those were hard months of pregnancy and yes, hard months of recovery that I feel like I have only just emerged from.


I have seriously questioned whether or not I have the courage to do it all over again.


But I want to have another baby.

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In an attempt to do everything in my power to make the next pregnancy a good experience, I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone and do things that I would have never considered had I had a better pregnancy. I started to going to a yoga class my friend teaches. I work hard at focusing and breathing and have actually fallen in love with it all. I now see the benefits.

Yesterday I went to a massage therapist who also works with stress management skills that are a little out of the ordinary. It was a deeply emotional and spiritual experience for me. I feel like I have started to identify some things that need to be worked through to help me let good change happen. All these fears that have consumed me don't have to consume me anymore.

There is much to do still but I feel hope and empowerment, something that I realize now I have not felt often enough.

This year I have a resolution to try new things. To get out there and do things that are hard. This was one of those things.

Info for DV Victims

"Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return." 

- California Senator Dianne Feinstein

Over the next few weeks, I'll be participating in a domestic violence counselor training program. In turn, I wanted to pass some information onto you, faithful blog readers. I hope that these few bits of information will come in handy if, heaven forbid, you ever find yourself or a friend in the grasp of domestic violence.

Victims of domestic violence come from all age groups, religions, ethnicities, socioeconomic levels, sexual orientations... no one is exempt. Below is a common model used in identifying certain aspects of domestic violence.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, it is important to remember that it is not your fault. It's also important to remember that help is available.

One of the most basic precautions you can take is to develop a safety plan. It doesn't require any drastic changes immediately, but it is a plan that helps you be prepared if the situation takes a turn for the worst. The RAINN organization offers a great outline here to help you make a safety plan.

Here are some 24-hour emergency hotlines to take note of:

San Diego, CA:
YWCA: 619-234-3164
San Diego DV Hotline: (888) DV-LINKS / (888) 385-4657


Salt Lake City, UT:
Utah Department of Human Services: 800-897-5465


Provo, UT:
Center for Women and Children in Crisis: 801-377-5500


National: The Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

I love when people stand up for what they believe and feel to be right, even when it means hard choices.

(source)

Interview with Lia Collings

Over a year ago, a good friend of mine told me of a project her sister had been working hard on. Similar to Allison, she was also putting together a book of essays written by women for women. (You can see a quote from one of the essays here.)These essays told tales of women who put promising careers and some of their goals and aspirations on hold to be able to be home to raise their children. I read the essays before I had Miss Millie and was in awe of these talented, intelligent women who had changed their lives to do what they felt they must. I admired their strength and their courage.

I emailed Lia, whose brain child this book was, and got to know her a little better through those emails along with another interview she did. We talked about doing an interview here but life kept getting in the way.

Now I am happy to tell you that we have finally done it. As I read over her answers I feel her strength of character and her determination. I have been so inspired by her and I hope you are too.

So without further ado, meet Lia Collings, creator of Choosing Motherhood.

Tell us a little about yourself and your family.

We are a happy little family of three little girls, aged 7, 5, and 3, with another baby on the way currently living in Berlin while my husband finishes his dissertation. I think the most unique thing about our family is that Justin and I have made a conscious effort since the early days of our marriage to make our family culturally independent of the world. By that I mean we’ve never owned a television set, we’ve gone to the movie theater I think twice in our entire eight years of marriage—one of those was to Puss and Boots with the whole family about a week ago—and we hardly ever read novels or plays that were published after the first half of the 20^th century. In general we accept “recreation” but not “entertainment”. It makes us pretty different as a family than a lot of other families, I think.

(Interview continues after the jump)

The time is always right to do what is right.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt