23 March 2012


You probably know this already, but I'm a musician. I used to play in a folk band a few years ago, and now I've taken up music again as a solo artist. Many of you also probably know that I have suffered from severe depression. One of my resolutions this year was to be more honest about that.* Whereas before I would seamlessly hide behind a mask of happiness and wellness, I am telling you straight: I have struggled with depression, I still struggle with depression, and even though you can't always see it, it's there. And I'm not the only one who suffers this way.

Luckily, something productive sometimes results from these bouts of depression. Usually for me, that something is in the form of music.

There are lyrics from this compilation of songs that capture exactly where I was in my darkest moments, and in some cases, where I still am.

Can you feel the winter war? Broken branches, shattered core.
Will you love me though the scars echo willows?

But as the lyrics turned to songs, and the songs turned to recordings with some of my favorite people at my side, I felt the beauty surface from those broken branches, that shattered core.

And then as my dear brother took a sort of "press photo" for me, he captured it perfectly. He captured those feelings, but also the quiet beauty of healing.

I will never be completely rid of depression, but as I pursue those things that bring me even the slightest bit of comfort, I can find healing.

*Other posts include this and this.


Whitney said...

Good for you for being beautifully open and honest. I love the idea that beauty can be created out of pain and hardship...perhaps because of that very pain and hardship. hugs!

Allie said...

Thanks so much Whitney! xo