Vintage YWCA Posters

End the Word:

I love this initiative to end the use of the word "retard." It has become so common in our society to use the term in a derogative manner, and it's not okay. To lend your support, simply sign the pledge, then "spread the word to end the word."

The Regret.

by gary barnes

Maybe it's the fact that I'm a family science major, or that I'm attending a domestic violence counselor training program this month, or that I've been dating a bit. But relationships have been on my mind. Specifically, the matter of regrets.

I haven't always been the best girlfriend ever. I mean, nothing huge: I may have fibbed to a guy once to get out of the inevitable first kiss, and then that one time I dated my ex-boyfriend's roommate. Whoops.

But despite everything, my one regret remains the same: I didn't keep the quiet details of my relationship with X between just me and X.

Since learning about "love languages," (side note: I'm no expert, I just took the quiz in the back of the book), I now know that the problem was that I gave and received love differently than X received and gave love. But at the time, it wasn't laid out so nicely for me to see. All I knew was that I didn't always feel his affection, and it broke me up inside.

And then I complained to his sister about it.

There's a scientific term for that, and I could go look through my old school notes and find it, but I think you get the gist. If a couple is fighting, they shouldn't be revealing all those petty details to friends, neighbors, relatives, acquaintances. No good. (Unless it turns violent-- whether emotionally, sexually, physically, anything-- then please get help from an outside source). I learned this too late, and boy, did I give myself a big head smack in the middle of that college lecture.

So, Boyfriend X, I'm sorry that I was so terrible. I'm grateful that I was able to learn from this, but I'm regretful for dragging you into it. I wish I had known earlier how to care for our relationship as I should have.

Links:
Center for Young Women's Health: Healthy Relationship Guide
Promoting Healthy Relationships & Preventing Teen Dating Violence
Women's Health: "The #1 Time to Have His Back"

new things

(Photo taken in Munich, Germany fall of 2007)

I was never much of a believer when it came to yoga. I liked the idea of it. It seemed people who really did it loved it but I just couldn't seem to love it. I thought it was boring and silly... holding my hands in the air and trying to breath slowly. It could have been because I took the class that was at 8:30am during my last semester or that we did the same positions every time. But I just didn't feel like it made any difference.

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My pregnancy with Millie is not what you would call a good experience. I was throwing up 5-10 times a day for the first five months and was still sick for the rest. I had kidney stones and had to do an at home IV for three weeks. Even when things started to settle down my body just didn't like being pregnant. It resented me for the 20 pounds it lost when I was sick and then jumping into weight gain so quickly. It struggled with the ups and the downs.

Not only was it very hard on me physically, it took a big toll on me mentally and spiritually. How could I be a mother when I could hardly survive the pregnancy? Others made me feel as though I was being weak and needed to just be happy that I was having a baby. I was happy and grateful. But I was also tired and so sick. I wanted this to be a spiritual experience. I wanted to not be so bitter and hurt and sick. And oh how guilty I felt for those feelings that I had.

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I want to have another baby.


I love Millie more than I could have imagined. Even with all the struggles and how long it took me to "feel like myself" again, I would do it again for her. And hope to but for another little soul.


But I am scared. If I have to struggle just like last time than so be it but those were hard months of pregnancy and yes, hard months of recovery that I feel like I have only just emerged from.


I have seriously questioned whether or not I have the courage to do it all over again.


But I want to have another baby.

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In an attempt to do everything in my power to make the next pregnancy a good experience, I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone and do things that I would have never considered had I had a better pregnancy. I started to going to a yoga class my friend teaches. I work hard at focusing and breathing and have actually fallen in love with it all. I now see the benefits.

Yesterday I went to a massage therapist who also works with stress management skills that are a little out of the ordinary. It was a deeply emotional and spiritual experience for me. I feel like I have started to identify some things that need to be worked through to help me let good change happen. All these fears that have consumed me don't have to consume me anymore.

There is much to do still but I feel hope and empowerment, something that I realize now I have not felt often enough.

This year I have a resolution to try new things. To get out there and do things that are hard. This was one of those things.