Breaking Up and Creative Outlets

The first thing I noticed when I looked at the final tracklisting for my new EP? Just how many songs were influenced by men, or have references to former relationships in them. The "man with the silver eyes" in one of the songs? I can tell you exactly who that is. The final track, "The Slow Goodbye"? Written in the autumn of 2009, following a break up. And I assure you, I'm not the only one who finds a creative outlet for these sort of things.

Until early 2011, Leslie Feist was dating Broken Social Scene's Kevin Drew. In September 2011 she released her album Metals. There is an underlying darkness to the whole thing, with little jabs sweetly crooning out of Feist's mouth..."A good man and a good woman, can't find the good in each other..."

From 2008-2011, Florence Welch (of "Florence and the Machine") was in a relationship with a man named Stuart. Their first breakup fueled her 2009 album "Lungs," while their most recent breakup fueled 2011's "Ceremonials." In the latter, there are songs of devastation ("What the Water Gave Me") and of triumph ("Shake It Out"). It is clear that this was Florence's creative outlet, and my goodness, it did her good.

Check out Florence's performance of "No Light, No Light" at the 2012 BRIT Awards.

How do you work through a breakup?

Info for DV Victims

"Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return." 

- California Senator Dianne Feinstein

Over the next few weeks, I'll be participating in a domestic violence counselor training program. In turn, I wanted to pass some information onto you, faithful blog readers. I hope that these few bits of information will come in handy if, heaven forbid, you ever find yourself or a friend in the grasp of domestic violence.

Victims of domestic violence come from all age groups, religions, ethnicities, socioeconomic levels, sexual orientations... no one is exempt. Below is a common model used in identifying certain aspects of domestic violence.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, it is important to remember that it is not your fault. It's also important to remember that help is available.

One of the most basic precautions you can take is to develop a safety plan. It doesn't require any drastic changes immediately, but it is a plan that helps you be prepared if the situation takes a turn for the worst. The RAINN organization offers a great outline here to help you make a safety plan.

Here are some 24-hour emergency hotlines to take note of:

San Diego, CA:
YWCA: 619-234-3164
San Diego DV Hotline: (888) DV-LINKS / (888) 385-4657


Salt Lake City, UT:
Utah Department of Human Services: 800-897-5465


Provo, UT:
Center for Women and Children in Crisis: 801-377-5500


National: The Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Learning from your fellow-bloggers:

 

One of the many reasons I love blogs is because you can learn so much! About anything! Here are some bloggers who have talked about their favorite makeup products:

The Alison Show: The BEST Drugstore Lipsticks
(She even bought a bunch and tested them out. She's pro.)

Mormon in Manhattan: mascara posts here, here, and here.

A Beautiful Mess: How to Style Mod Eyeliner, and tons of hairstyles.

Rockstar Diaries: Lipstick.

Lyndsay & the Johnsons: In the Bag.

...then there are the ladies who have amazing senses of style, like Stacey and Emily. Too good.

I have barely seen the tip of the iceberg of makeup/fashion blogs, so now I'm coming to you, dear reader. What are some of your favorite style resources?

habits

I suffer from bad habits.

You know like eating ‘til I am so full I am going to be sick… then eating some more. Or not hanging my clothes up at the end of the day. (I know it is so easy and yet they still land on the floor.) Then there are things like fidgeting when I am nervous or procrastinating. I know these things make me miserable and yet I find myself reverting back to those habits day after day.

One habit in particular has really been casting a shadow over my life.

At eight in the evening, after we have tucked Millie into her bed and she is fast asleep, Billy and I usually relax and watch something on Netflicks. Modern Family, Psych. Something funny. We just kind of veg. It is nice. Eventually Billy falls asleep and there I am, left completely alone. No one to worry about (although I check on Millie multiple times) but me. I continue watching. And watching. Time ticks away, my eye lids begin to droup. But there I sit, forcing my eyes to keep watching. The world falls asleep and I am stuck in a trance watching old TV shows that mock people like me. I tell myself “Just one more episode” every time. EVERY.TIME. Finally when I can stand it no longer, I sneak into the bedroom and slide quietly next to Billy. I pray he won’t wake up because I don’t want to tell him how late it is and how I wasted perfectly good sleeping time to watch people who aren’t even real.

If you want a general statement of this bad habit I would have to say it is a lack of self control. I know that what I am doing makes me miserable, makes me a tired, neglectful mother and wife, and does nothing to fulfill me but I do it anyway. When I ask myself why I do it I lean towards explanations like “It is the only time I have to be alone, without the prospect of the child waking up or someone knocking at my door. It is all me.”

But does that really justify it? Does it justify how tired I am the next day, how unmotivated it makes me in my life, how it takes away from going to bed with Billy, which I love?

No. Indeed it does not.

So how do I change it? How do I take control of my life and say “GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR YOU FOOL?”

I feel like for our next book club I need to choose a good motivating book. Then I can talk it over with some others and maybe I will actually start making some changes.

And getting more sleep.

What do you do to get rid of those habits that eat at your soul?

Do you have any favorite books that help?