16 March 2012


[hard day in 2010, picture drawn by sweet cousin ellisa to cheer me up]
I've been a little "off" this week. I've been self-conscious, needy, emotional. Even tiny problems seem monumental. I've been wading around in this thick sludge of helplessness.

Last night I finally acknowledged the fact that something wasn't right. Then I realized that just three weeks earlier, I had thrown away my beloved container of birth control pills, swearing never to go back. And now, for the first time in years, I am experiencing the emotional effects of premenstrual syndrome, or PMS.

I started taking birth control in 2009. It was glorious. The particular prescription I had allowed me to only experience a period once every three months. Whereas previously, I had mentally and emotionally not felt like myself for literally half of every month, I now only briefly experienced any of those symptoms. Menstruating was a breeze. I was myself again, not just two weeks out of every month, but nearly 4 weeks every month, practically 12 months every year. It was like re-uniting with an old friend, and she was fantastic!

I don't know if it was the longing for normalcy (yes, even in the normalcy of having a period once every month), or a growing cockiness of being able to handle my emotions relatively well, but I decided to get off of the birth control. One less expense, one less chemical. And what's the worse that could happen?

Blog readers, there is so much that I wanted to tell you all week. Information from my domestic violence counselor training classes, sentiments about the wonderful people around me, pictures of my day-to-day excursions. But for the life of me, I couldn't get on here and write. I contemplated it a couple times, but passed the opportunity by every time. How could I tell you how I felt if I couldn't even figure out myself how I felt?

Last night, I told my brother I was scared. My period has shown no physical signs of arriving, but already my heart and mind are gone. He lovingly assured me that I would be okay, then brought his exercise bike out to the living room for me to use. Hormone regulation through physical exercise. He's a smart guy.

So this morning I hopped on the bike for a few minutes, stretched a bit, did some crunches, etc. Then I couldn't decide what to eat for breakfast, so I had a Diet Coke. Baby steps, folks. Baby steps. (Also, do as I say, not as I do). I love being a woman, but goodness, sometimes womanhood is a beast.

How do you handle out of control hormones? Because really, I need help.


Amy said...

I can completely relate to feeling like you "reunited with an old friend." After both of my babies, I think I had post-partum depression. After my 2nd it was especially bad and I wasn't even functioning. I was not me! I went to a therapist who recommended exercise rather than medication. I could feel a huge difference. But it was hard to exercise everyday with two tiny kids and I was still not "better." Then my chiropractor recommended taking red rasberry leaf. It's an herbal supplement used to regulate hormones. Two days after I started taking it, my husband said "wow, it's like you're back!" I have felt great since then. I still have rough days but I'm totally able to deal with it. I don't know if it was the placebo effect or the exercise or what...but it's definitely worth a try! Hope things get better for you!

Allie said...

Thanks so much Amy! I've heard that red raspberry leaf was good for cramps, but I didn't know it could help regulate hormones. I'll give it a try!