08 February 2012


Do you ever feel a little... crowded? Sometimes by people but more by situations and, well, comparisons? And you just need to take a step outside and breath? Or shut everyone out and breath?

I have been breathing a lot lately. Well, after feeling like I couldn't breath anymore, I took a step back and tried to stop all the negativity that was bogging me down. There were too many "to do's," too many amazing women who could have a nice house and a happy baby and even maybe some dinner, while I can only manage one at a time.

I was being stomped on by my inadequacies.

And shouldn't it be the other way around? I should be stomping on and crushing all the things that make me feel small.

We even went out of town for a long weekend. I thought I would come back refreshed and ready to get those bathrooms clean and write a little. But I went right back to feeling deflated. And since I at least like to end posts on a positive note, I didn't write at all because I had nothing very positive to say.

I feel better now. I stayed away from the world wide web, took a couple walks by myself, finally let everything bothering me out via my husband, and spent some good time with my little family. I took care of some responsibilities (it feels good to be needed), started running again (it's been too long), and got some good spiritual reminders that it is ok that motherhood is hard (it is still worth it).

Speaking of motherhood being hard but worth it, I watched this video:

"THE STORY OF A SHIPWRECKED RAMBLER" a documentary about a girl crossing Iceland on her own from Klara Harden on Vimeo.

And I cried. When she says: "... will ask myself why the hell am I doing this? Well I hope that I will still realize that it is worth it. It is always worth it."

And isn't it true. The things we do are hard. I feel happier when I am doing something hard. Challenging myself. But sometimes I ask myself if it is really worth it? But it always is. And if it isn't, then maybe I need to take a step back and figure out what I should be doing that would be worth it.

(I wrote a little something about how I was feeling the last few weeks but I have not decided whether I should share. Maybe you have felt the way I was feeling so maybe it is worth it to put it out there.)

1 comment:

AyOhKayla said...

I enjoy your honesty Alicia. I love how raw you are sometimes...emotionally, I know I feel that way a lot and I enjoy knowing that other women and mom's feel the same way I do.