An Eternal Perspective of Families

 dad, mom, me, brother. january 2011.

Before I came to the South to serve a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I had been working toward my degree in family science. While studying people and relationships sounded interesting, I realized that truly making a career out of my degree would be heartbreaking: I had a desire to help individuals and families, but I am no where near emotionally strong enough to do so as a career. So when I felt prompted to serve a mission and teach others about Christ, not only did that sound like a wonderful experience to begin with, but it also meant a break from school, and more time to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. I never would have guessed how much my time out here would matter not only to the people I work with, but to my individual progression and knowledge.

One of my greatest blessings thus far is the chance I have had to interact with families daily. I have been able to enter a variety of homes and see a variety of family dynamics, an experience I would have never received as a single student in a college town. I get to see the concepts I learned in family science lectures and textbooks play out before me.

The most incredible thing I've witnessed on my mission so far is the power of transitional characters: people who

1. learn from and overcome difficult and destructive pasts, and
2. create a happier home for their family of procreation (their spouse and children).

I have met several individuals who exemplify this concept:

A woman gave birth to four children as a teenager (a single baby, then triplets), but gave them all up for adoption. She wanted them to have a better life than she could provide them at that time. Even though they are out of her life, she still speaks of them with love. She is now working at a fast food restaurant with her boyfriend, who suffers from PTSD after being deployed in Afghanistan. They help care for a pregnant friend's two children while her husband is deployed.

One man traded a 6-pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes for his first tattoo at the age of 14, got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 17, then stepped up and joined the military to support his family. He now is married to a wonderful woman and helping raise two of her children from a previous marriage. Love abounds in their home.

After 17 years, a woman left a mentally and physically abusive marriage with her two teenagers in tow. She struggles both emotionally and financially now, but is strong in her faith, and loves her children above all else.

A young mother is struggling to forgive her unfaithful husband, who is out of the country for work, while raising their child as a single parent. Despite his emotional and physical distance, and his indifference toward religion, she is turning to God to find peace in her life. Her home is a little bit brighter everyday as she continues to endure her hardships with faith that everything will be okay.

When an individual has the courage to redirect their life toward a brighter path, not only will they flourish as an individual, but their families will feel the blessings and strength from that action as well.

I have never understood the divine importance of family more than I do now. God gave us all families to safely learn and grow in. Sometimes that family structure comes through close friends, adoption, inter-generational living arrangements, or through one's future family of procreation. Regardless, God has a plan for us, and that plan is based around family.

I have seen strong men and women tear up their families through negligence, addictions, and pride. But I have also seen valiant men and women build their families up through faith and devotion, caring for God's children as He would himself. A family isn't just a temporary organizational unit, but an eternal one. When we realize the sacred nature of family relationships, we will be blessed and our families will prosper.

To learn more about families and the gospel, click here.

To read more about what I believe, click here.


Love, Sister Allison Barnes

(P.S. Please disregard the religiosity of this post if that is not your thing. I'm a missionary right now, so it's my pleasure and responsibility to be religious!)

Women Abroad Take 3: Minal Singh

The worth of women is unfortunately too often questioned by the very family members and communities that surround them. It's heartbreaking to see (particularly young) women pushed into destructive decisions by the pressure of men or elder women in their households.

One amazing woman, Minal Singh, works to stop these cycles of disempowerment. She and Drishtee, the organization she works for in Noida, India, work in rural Indian communities to ensure that women get proper access to necessary education, healthcare, and income generating activities. She once said to me that everyday "we are in a war" for women - how true and tragic a statement! For Minal, this war is against all the people who believe a mother has no need of prenatal care, can give birth unassisted, and can then return to working brutally long days days after the delivery. It's a vicious system of influences and counter influences that cause countless unnecessary deaths and suffering. In the case of millions of communities in India, it is this low status of women, the actual perception that they are worthless and deserve no consideration in terms of support, love, or even basic needs as a doctor's visit in their third trimester of pregnancy, that Minal is working to diminish. The work is time-consuming and exhausting, but where would these women be without someone like her to stand up for their right to life?

I took this picture of Minal a few months ago (she's in the middle!), with two other amazing individuals that I should also write about for the amazing work they're doing for women! Nick Pearson of Jacaranda Health, and Laura Stachel of WE CARE Solar. Look them up! Inspiring, all of them!

"Woman was born to create...in creating she becomes herself, accomplishes her destiny. Her whole life is only an initiation into creative power. To create is not merely to produce a work...it is to give out ones own individuality."

-Jeanne De Vietinghoff

Millicent Sophia Fish was born March 7, 2011.

Photos taken by Bella Baby Photography... in the hospital.

on the individual

this past weekend, i attended a musical get-together. a group of students all packed together in a tiny little living room, trading off roles of audience and performer. it looked like a typical group of students; people i see on campus every day. however, after about ten minutes i realized something.

yes, these were typical students, but they were incredible.

many who took the spotlight that night were women. and time after time, it hit me how incredible these women are. every voice was different, every original piece (there were many) was just that - completely original, nothing exactly like it.

as women, we face temptation of social comparison. it's rampant among us today, and the most distorting mirror we can look through. when looking at a group of us {women} together, we may all look typical enough. but that's exactly the danger of comparing. at the open mic night, each woman had the chance to be an individual, to set herself apart, to be untypical. it was truly a beautiful experience.

watching these unique and individual women helped me look at women {and people, in general} in a very different way. i would have passed any of those women on campus or at the grocery store and thought, "oh yeah, they're just like me, just like all the other girls in this ordinary town." but under the typical appearance of twenty-something years old and medium-length brown hair, most of the women in that room were musical geniuses with unique talent and rare creative gifts. gifts that are very different from mine and different from each other, too.

i understood in my heart that night what i've known in my mind - that we are each unique, each individual, and each given gifts that no one else has. it's impossible to recognize that individuality while looking only at a collective. i get caught up in a mindset studying the social sciences - people become numbers: a sample, a population, a trend. but i've recognized the wrongness in that kind of thinking.

we are individual. as women, we all have absolutely unique gifts. recognizing those gifts in ourselves and others is important to our relationship with ourselves and everyone around us. so, i invite you to do two things: 1) make a list of your unique gifts. what are a few things that make you incredible? 2) get to know someone new. this night reminded me how different people are from each other and from the way i initially perceive them to be. have a conversation - find out someone's story!

next, leave a comment so we can all share the experience!

here's my list:

i love to experiment with food - my creations are unique and yummy!

and this week i've been getting to know a new roommate - with truly a unique perspective on life. she's a math major and english minor and we share a deep love of granola. she's one of the most peaceful (yet passionate) people i've ever met!

now... what's your story?